


The more, the merrier

by DrBlueneck



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: France is prudish, Humor, Multi, Polyamory, Swearing, Voyeurism, de-anon from kink meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 21:04:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10975299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrBlueneck/pseuds/DrBlueneck
Summary: Now that he really looked, Denmark could see how Belgium leant onto Germany in the guise of reading over her shoulder, breasts pushing against the other woman’s back. Veneziano kept touching everyone on their shoulders or hips, fingers lingering a bit too long to pass as casual, and Luxembourg watched his peers with a clear fondness. As for Netherlands, the tall nation loomed over the others, like a guardian ready to threaten anyone coming too close.Confusion turned into shock when he caught France’s hand slowly drifting down Romano’s silk covered back, ending its descent on his ass and staying there, the Italian not even fazed by the action.Okay. There was indeed something strange happening with the EEC.(When nations build unions, sex is often involved. It doesn't mean that France and Germany are okay to bang each other. Fortunetaly, Netherlands is there to save the day - by making sure the two can't escape their hotel room.)





	The more, the merrier

The seven nations were in a stuffy room in Rome, sitting silently at a round table and avoiding looking at each other.

Their bosses already signed the treaty sealing their destinies a few days ago, leaving the entities with no choice but to capitulate with the desire of their peoples. The time when nations could rules alongside their monarchs was long gone…

Even Veneziano seemed a bit down, fingers drumming on the edge of the table as Romano glared at the polished wood, arms crossed tightly against his chest. Belgium kept glancing worriedly between France and Germany, while Luxembourg was scribbling rapidly on his notebook, barely paying attention to his anxious neighbours.

Germany seemed at ease in the tensed atmosphere – she was used to overwhelming silence and wary eyes. Even as weak as her country had become, she still instilled fear in her interlocutors. She didn’t know if she should count it as a blessing or not, as it made dealing with other countries a pain in the ass. Like now. She sighed as she averted her eyes from France who was glaring murderously at her.

He was really good at holding grudges, she thought wearily.

It was Netherlands who broke the silence, chair creaking noisily as he leant back on it. In a jaded, rough voice, he said, “So, when do we start the fucking?”

“ _Bon dieu_ , is a bit of decorum too much to ask for?” France groused, distracted from his glaring. He sniffed, readjusted his already perfect shirt and looked at the petrified Italies, brows furrowing in confusion. “What’s the matter with you two? It surely won’t be the first time, nor the last…”

With red cheeks, Romano sat straighter in his chair, banging a fist on the table. “Not with so many people all at once! I knew this union-talk was bullshit… Dammit, I don’t wanna sleep with any of you!”

Amazingly enough, Veneziano was nodding vigorously to what his brother was saying, cheeks turning a pasty white as he added in a horrified whisper, “Does it mean we’re going to sleep together, _fratellone_?”

At that, Romano sprang to his feet, eyes wide and frightened. “That’s it! Count me out of this shit! I’ll be my own country, you can stay with these bastards, Vene!”

“Wha—Brother, no!” Veneziano cried out, clinging like an octopus to his brother who tried to kick the other Italy away.

A smirk stretched France’s lips. “Kinky. A gangbang with a side of incestuous love. This is going to be memorable.”

Both Italies whimpered and Netherlands laughed alongside France. Finally, Luxembourg looked up from his writing with a satisfied smile and clapped his hands, bringing the attention to him. “There will be no orgy, and no incest. Sit down, you two.”

“I’m still not relieved,” Romano grumbled but did as he was told, Veneziano following suit, still clutching his annoyed brother’s arm in vice-like grip.

“I’ve established a chart. We’ll all take turns to sleep together, on the span of two weeks. That way, our contract will be sealed and the CEE officially in vigour. Plan it at your own convenience with the countries of your choice, as long as by the end of the two weeks, everybody got laid.”

France and Netherlands immediately looked at each other, and with a shrug, the Dutch said, “Tonight?”

“No, I want the evening for myself. What about now?” France answered, nonchalant.

Again, the Dutch shrugged and stood up. “Works for me.”

France smiled, clapping his hands excitedly. “Excellent. That’s why I love dealing with you!”

Luxembourg and Belgium agreed to meet at some point in the evening, leaving Germany to turn towards her friend and neighbour. “ _Italia_?” she asked.

“Hell no,” was Romano’s firm answer as Veneziano eagerly nodded, latching now on the German’s hand.

“Ah, _Deutschland_! We’d love to!”

“Don’t speak for me, _cacchio_!”

* * *

Soon, all seven nations had slept at least once with one another. Or at least that’s what Luxembourg thought as he observed the signed roasters. He looked at the ticked boxes and frowned.

“ _France, Deutschland_ ,” he called out.

The two nations, sitting as far as possible from each other, turned towards the petite man who looked up from his papers. “Did you forget to put your names on the chart? I don’t see your coupling.”

Everybody looked at them, waiting for an answer. Germany stayed silent, unbothered, while France sneered, recoiling in his chair. “You don’t actually expect me to sleep with _her_?”

“Why not?” asked a confused Veneziano.

Outraged, France turned wide blue eyes on the Italian. “Er, World War II?”

Scoffing, Romano rolled his eyes at the older nation. “Come off it, none of us are innocent lambs.”

“She humiliated me!”

At last, Germany turned icy eyes on the Frenchman, pointing out, “You humiliated me too, after the first war.”

Not able to refute that, France bit the inside of his cheeks, furious. How enraged he was at the human leaders for deciding that the time for wars was over, that Europe needed to _unit_. He didn’t want to act friendly with one of his enemy – not so soon after a war, at least. Thank God for small mercies, de Gaulle shared his disdain for his northern neighbour. England would’ve been a pain in the ass to deal with on a daily basis…

Sensing the tension between the two nations, Belgium – ever the diplomatic one – decided to intervene. “ _France_ ,” she started cautiously, “I think our leaders are doing the right thing… Aren’t you sick of blood and wars at every turn of a century? Don’t you want all of us to be friends?”

“I don’t need friends,” the man stated bitterly. It wasn’t such an odd notion among them – they had allies, they had enemies, but rarely friends. Too human a concept for them to really grasp, and friends aren’t supposed to stick a sword in your guts or aim to behead you.

“Say that again when you get trampled over, dick,” Romano muttered as Belgium nodded in agreement.

“That’s what my colonies are for.”

Netherlands winced. “Yeah, no. Trust me on that one, they tend to hate our guts.”

“Doesn’t he know it already?” Germany smiled meanly. “How is your war going with Algeria, by the way?”

That was the wrong thing to say as France jumped over the table, hands outstretched like claws and reaching for the woman’s face. She almost toppled her chair over as she too reached for France, arm cocked back to punch him in the face. Both were restrained in seconds, but France continued to kick at the air, spitting slurs so rapidly that he grew red in the face. Germany roughly tore her arms from Romano’s tight grip, trying to compose herself. She was better than that. She wasn’t Prussia – she would _not_ rise up to the bait.

Voice filled with venom and pointing imperiously at the woman, France spat, “I won’t take insult from a _divided_ little cunt who’d rather submit like a dog than fight to get her whole country back!”

Okay. Fuck that.

With a roar, the woman launched herself at the Frenchman.

Luxembourg sighed, rubbing his temples, already feeling the beginning of a headache. This would be a long meeting.

* * *

It took the remainder of the week to convince France and Germany to sleep together for the sake of the union. With reluctance, they set up a meeting in a hotel room – neutral ground. The both of them were standing stiffly in the standard bedroom, fully clothed and arms crossed. Minutes passed, and Netherlands coughed loudly from where he was sitting, having moved an armchair to block the entrance.

“Remind me why you’re here, again?” France asked through gritted teeth.

“To make sure you two actually fuck.”

Nodding seriously, the Frenchman said in a voice dripping with sarcasm, “Do you want to maybe hold my dick, too? I’m not too sure of the mechanism, you see.”

Puffing on his pipe, Netherlands drawled, unbothered, “Let me rephrase that: to make sure you don’t murder each other in a fit of kinky, passionate, anger-filled sex.”

“Of course, how remiss of me, penises are obviously instruments of torture,” France sneered.

Humming in thought, Netherlands scratched at his chin. “Well, technically, you could totally choke her with it—“

There was a loud thud, and both men turned to see Germany’s belt on the floor as she continued to strip. She was ready to unhook her bra when France yelled, more shocked than a nun would be on a nudist beach, “ _What_ are you _doing_?!”

She blinked, exchange a look with Netherlands who shrugged, unconcerned, before replying with hesitation, as a student would at a trick question, “Getting ready?”

A smirk pulling at his lips, Netherlands sat back in his chair more comfortably, hooded eyes watching with the attention of a hawk the two nations. This, he thought, was going to be a fun night.

“While he’s still _here_?”

She shrugged and, the challenge clear in her eyes, unhooked her bra. France’s eyes trailed down to the small, firm breasts despite his will.

“He’s obviously not leaving, and I’m ready to get this over with. Now strip.”

Her voice had taken a military quality, and Netherland chuckled. “Oh, I already love where this is going.”

Outrage was written all over the Frenchman’s face as he shook his head, taking a step back. “I’m not—This is preposterous! I don’t need anyone to witness _that_.”

“ _Bruder_ was right,” Germany said offhandedly, she unceremoniously got rid of her last piece of clothing to finally stand naked in the middle of the room. “You’re a wimp. It’s no wonder it took so little to make you kneel back in ‘40…”

Mouth opened in a shocked o-shape, France narrowed his eyes and threateningly walked over Germany who didn’t budge one bit. “Take that back.”

She tilted her chin up, defiant. “Make me.”

Mouth twisted in rage, France almost tore his shirt off in his haste to prove her wrong, practically mauling her face with his teeth as their mouths clashed in a battle of dominance.

Cold hands seized him by the neck and squeezed, and he retaliated by gripping her narrow hips with steel-hard fingers, digging painfully into the bones. They stumbled towards the bed and he threw her on it, satisfied when she cried out in pain as her head bumped against the headboard. His satisfaction didn’t last long as she brutally reversed their position, all the while biting on his collarbone and drawing blood.

“Savage. I dig it,” commented Netherlands from his armchair, legs splayed and a hand absentmindedly trailing up his right thigh.

Germany internally sighed as France froze under her, arms coming to cover his chest as would a shy virgin. His right foot came up to push her away from him, and he rolled out of the bed, a strained smile on his lips.

“Yeah, no. I can’t do it.”

This was beginning to seriously annoy Germany. It was her turn to feel self-conscious as she draped a sheet over her bare body, glaring at the back of France’s head. “If I’m that repulsive, close your damn eyes.”

Rolling his eyes, France arched an eyebrow at the younger woman. “Excuse-me, didn’t you feel my hard dick when you were busy assaulting me?” Not waiting for an answer, he turned towards Netherlands, and with a deadpan expression uttered, “ _You_ , however, repulse me. You make me feel like a whore.” There was a second of reflection before he amended, “Or at least an exploited one. Prostitutes get paid for putting out, after all.”

Far from feeling ashamed, Netherlands fondled his crotch. “Not my fault if that’s hot. It’s better than my black and white porn. Don’t you want to get back to the action? It was just beginning to feel steamy,” the man complained.

In the end, after an hour of arguing and France threatening to jeopardy the union by starting an open war with his neighbours on the ground of “feeling oppressed and in the need of protecting his territories from coveting eyes”, Netherlands finally agreed to wear a gag and let himself be bound to the chair, as long as he could still watch.

He had a good eidetic memory, and this was golden spank bank material.

**OMAKE**

The EEC members were _way_ too happy, other European nations noticed with a bit of jealousy. There were becoming the stars of the continent, their economy looking up and their diplomatic relationships better than ever before.

Even France and Germany talked civilly, often exchanging on politics and giving advices to each other. _Advices_. To former _enemies_.

Denmark was more than a little intrigued, and maybe a bit too nostalgic about his own union days. Maybe buddying up with his Germanic neighbours would be a good way to get away from the crisis that seemed to spare no-one but the EEC…

Curious, at the end of one of their yearly meetings, Denmark approached Norway and England who seemed in a deep conversation. They kept glancing at the EEC members, and Denmark has never been able to keep his nose out of others’ businesses.

“I can’t believe my boss is forcing my hand in the matter,” England was grouching. “My kingdom can solve its own problems, thank you very much… Bloody France would’ve a field day if I ever come asking for help!”

“Ooooh,” Denmark exclaimed from behind them, making an unsuspecting England jump as Norway simply blinked, “my boss too is interested in joining the EEC. What about you _Norge_?”

The smaller Scandinavian shrugged. “I don’t really care, if it means getting a better economy… Though I’ve heard some strange things.”

“Ha!” England scoffed. “You can say that again… a bunch of depraved souls…”

“Depraved?” Denmark enquired.

His eyes trailed towards the six huddled nations. They were awfully close to each other, even though Romano seemed to try his best to look annoyed despite the pleased smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Now that he really looked, Denmark could see how Belgium leant onto Germany in the guise of reading over her shoulder, breasts pushing against the other woman’s back. Veneziano kept touching everyone on their shoulders or hips, fingers lingering a bit too long to pass as casual, and Luxembourg watched his peers with a clear fondness. As for Netherlands, the tall nation loomed over the others, like a guardian ready to threaten anyone coming too close.

Confusion turned to shock when he caught France’s hand slowly drifting down Romano’s silk covered back, ending its descent on his ass and staying there, the Italian not even fazed by the action.

Okay. There was indeed something strange happening with the EEC.

“What the hell?” he said, eyes wide.

Again, Norway shrugged. “Apparently, they all shag each other as part of their union deal.”

Nodding, England clucked his tongue in disapproval. “Depraved, all of them. I’m not surprised Scotland wants in so much, tch.”

Huh. Sex. With no strings attached, and with gorgeous people. Huh-huh.

Lips pursed in thought, Denmark looked down at his old, bored-looking friend. “And you wouldn’t mind joining them, _Norge_?”

“Well, from an economical point of view, it seems sound.”

Nodding to himself, Denmark strode towards the little group, waving a hand in the air as he yelled, “Guuuuys! Can I join your very exclusive sex-group?”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Denmark is only in for the smexy times. And yes, Norway is obsessed by his economy. Also, it’s considered polite for Nations to use the name of their interlocutor in said interlocutor’s language. Hence why Germany says Italia instead of Italien or Italy.
> 
>  
> 
> Little notes on characterization and history:
> 
> Being French myself, I always thought of France like a huge, arrogant jerk, unable to see his own flaws but always ready to point out others’. Also, he may like sex, but not to the point of being okay with voyeurism: it ruins his concentration and it oddly feels like being judged for his performance. He can be quite prudish when he wants to.
> 
> My headcanon is that nations used to think themselves as the real rulers of their country, letting the humans play a bit but always being behind the most important decisions – like wars and conquests. But the modern world is sick of wars, and now, nations are kinda whipped by the bosses.
> 
> Treaty of Rome (1957) – this basically signs the start of the UE with what was called the EEC. It was a move to counter the economic crisis, but also to try and build stronger relationships with neighbours in the hope to avoid new wars. France and Germany were actually glad to enter the deal, but like I said above, the nations don’t really act in accord with what the bosses/peoples want.
> 
> Why is Romano/Veneziano incest, but Belgium/Netherlands is okay: well, nations view it quite differently. The Italies are real brothers, born to represent the same land. Other nations may consider themselves siblings, like Belgium and Netherlands, but it doesn’t mean that they’re indeed related. Let’s say that they categorize themselves into families depending on the history and language they share, meaning that relationships can change through centuries.
> 
> The divided Germany comment: at the founding of the EEC, Germany was still divided between East and West, and it’s the western part which actually entered the deal. It’s only in 1981 that the whole of Germany would be part of the union.
> 
>  
> 
> France and his colonies: basically, former colonies still hold a grudge against France because of the awful way they were treated (second-class citizens, used in wars but never credited for it…).
> 
> French-Algerian war: a really sore subject still nowadays. France really didn’t want to let go of one of his most important (and the biggest) colonies, as it has way too many resources. Besides, letting go of Algeria meant really admitting that the French Empire was over, and after the blow caused by WWII… I let you imagine! The war started in 1954, hence why Germany brings it up. It’s even more humiliating as France was supposed to have a big army contrary to Algeria who could only rely on its own citizens fighting back, and yet, after three years, the battle was still going strong…! France actually received a lot of criticisms from the US and Britain, as it basically did the same thing that Germans did during WWII: that is invading a country and oppressing its people despite their obvious unwillingness to be part of the empire.
> 
> Why isn’t Romano cutting France’s hand off? Because Paris and Rome actually have an exclusive sexy relationship. Not kidding. The cities kinda sworn their eternal love to each other in 1956, “Seule Paris est digne de Rome, solo Roma è digna di Parigi.” (Only Paris is worthy of Rome, only Rome is worthy of Paris), if that’s not unconditional love, I don’t know what it is!
> 
> Why the use of Denmark, Norway, and England at the end? Because those are three of the four countries who were the first to apply for membership. And they were rejected because de Gaulle (France’s president at the time) didn’t trust England (too close to the US to his taste) and thus vetoed the whole bunch.


End file.
